As salaamu ‘Alaykum السلام عليكم
There are many categories that women are placed into as it relates to the way we interact with others.
Categories such as introvert , extrovert, and ambivert etc. Although it’s good to know what kind of social category we fall into , it’s imperative to understand a balance between them all and know that they all have a place.
In Islaam we have a ritual that is done during Ramadhaan called “I’tikaaf”. During this ritual, the Muslim secludes him/herself for worship , repentance, self reflection, studies, and more. It plays such a major role nearing the end of our blessed month of Ramadhaan and it helps us draw nearer to Allaahالله .
The sad thing is, many Muslims have categorized this action as a “strictly Ramadhaan act” and so we don’t see this as a year round benefit, rather as an occasional one. Our beloved prophet MuHammad (may peace and blessings be upon him) used to seclude himself often. He was balanced in how and when he performed this seclusion and this did not make him unsociable with others. We see from his Sunnah how he interacted with others and he wasn’t a hermit due to these seclusions. These seclusions in fact were of true value to him.
But there are a few issues that arise when discussing seclusion. Some people seclude themselves in a very unhealthy way . And this is not the seclusion we intend . We don’t mean the seclusion when you cut everyone off out of anger, self hate or regret, being offended, vengeance , or intimidation. This type of seclusion only damages a person more inside and allows the shayTaan easy access to cause more harm. The type of seclusion being referred to here is clearing our minds from the daily hustle and bustle of our regular routines and schedules, and just taking a breath to say “I need to do some self reflection and worship.”
Although there are times that getting away from others may be needed due to the aforementioned reasons, the seclusion still must be done in a healthy manner. Sometimes we must separate ourselves from others so as not to cause greater harm to others due to our negative feelings that we need to sort out before being able to socialize. And that’s o.k. So as long as it doesn’t extend into a period of time that the seclusion is in fact enhancing those negative emotions. At that point, it may be time to talk to someone.
We are sociable creatures as this is how Allaahالله fashioned us it’s a beautiful thing however, there are times when we must step back and get time away from the people for sure we can be a distraction and a waste of time for one another. Destroyed are those that often spend their time socializing frequently never giving a moment to themselves in secret away from others.
We can actually use healthy seclusion as the prophet did to our advantage In shaa Allaah ان شاء الله . This can be done in numerous ways and doesn’t entail an actual “getaway.” This can be something as simple as turning off all phones and devices for a day or so and giving yourself time that day to actually think! Clear your mind, write some things down, read Quraan, read a book, take a walk, study, spend some quiet time with just your family and no interruptions, listen or watch something inspiring related to Emaan and or purification of the heart and soul etc. The point and objective is, get your mind right. We cannot think straight when we don’t give ourselves time alone to see what sins we’ve been committing and why? Or time to see where we need to improve and how? Or what goals we need to reach to strive to attain Jannah. And so on. How can we in truth get that creativity and positive energy we need when we’re always letting someone in our ears 24/7 ?!
Informing your friends, colleagues, and others ahead of time that you wont be available for a few hours or a day wont harm them. Giving them this subtle warning first so that they wont feel ignored or worried will give you the opportunity not to feel the stress of worrying about others while you’re supposed to be worrying about you. And not just waiting until you’re so overwhelmed that you’re now FORCED to go into the cave isn’t good either. Making this healthy solitude an actual healthy habit will do wonders for our emaan, spirit, mind and more In shaa Allaah ان شاء الله. It’s when we have the unhealthy thoughts that only people and things can make us happy or that we MUST be around others and rely on them for everything that is dangerous.
In performing these spans of solitude we must be careful not to be extreme. Too much seclusion is not good either. We do feed off of our loved ones and the positivity of others as well and that’s of benefit to us. So be balanced in this regard.
I leave us with this quote to reflect upon and may Allaahالله grant us success and guide us all Aameen.
“I have not seen or heard of anything that brings repose, honor, and dignity as much as seclusion does. It helps one to stay away from evil, it protects one’s honor, and it saves time. It keeps one away from the jealous minded and those who take pleasure in your affliction. It promotes the remembrance of the Hereafter, and it allows one to reflect on the meeting with Allah. In times of seclusion, one’s thoughts may roam in that which is beneficial, in that which contains wisdom…”
Ibn al-Jawzī [d. 597H/1201CE] in Sayd al-Khaatir Read on pg 131, ‘Aaidh ibn Abdullah al-Qarni, Don’t Be Sad
(Inspired by dear sisters of mine , may Allaahالله reward you all with good Aameen.)
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