As salaamu ‘alaykum السلام عليكم
In order to have something in your chest toward someone, you had to have given them the power to hold that much weight in your life. People only do as much damage as you allow them to.
That being said, this is a brief reminder that life is too short to sweat the offenses of others. I dare say it’s probably impossible to live in this world without being offensive or being offended. This doesn’t mean we go around harming others and not caring rather, it’s a reality that WHEN these things take place whether intentionally or unintentionally, how you internalize these situations will make or break you.
How many people have held grudges for years and it effects the one holding the grudge. Holding things inside in a negative way although you’ve endured hardships or harms from others doesn’t give us a pass to walk around bitter and negative. It is upon us to LIVE! Not slowly die inside from the hate brewing inside as a result of you harboring what was said and done.
Our prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) was consistently harmed by others. He was slandered, lied on, betrayed, filth thrown at him and more yet we didn’t see his demeanor being bitter, salty, mad at the world, or holding grudges.
We have to let things go! I know it’s easier said than done however, it MUST eventually be done. Let go… And let Allaah الله handle the rest. Take it to the salaah (prayer) and pour yourself to Allaah الله . And if it’s a deeply terrible situation that is hard to let go, after talking to Allaah الله , then seek the counseling you need to heal. Either way the goal is to die without any ills in our chest In shaa Allaah ان شاء الله .
The Balance:
*This in no way means we have to allow others to mistreat us. Nor does it mean to stick around for more harm to come your way. The balance is knowing when something is toxic enough that you have to leave it alone and not allowing what was done to break you.
*Not to dwell on the situations so much that it causes hatred. Live your life and focus. Stay on your grind and don’t keep allowing others to do what was done to you before. This would be insanity.
*Learn from your errors. Think back to the things you could control and how you may have contributed in some way. This doesn’t mean you should live in regret. You learn from your mistakes so you don’t do them again.
*Not associating yourself with the individual doesn’t mean you’re angry or holding a grudge. Sometimes for the safety of our Emaan (faith) and our very sanity, a person could have so many ills that it’s just better not to be around them. As long as you wish them well, pray for them, and you’re not angry , then staying away from them may be the best thing for you and them.
*Don’t talk about the person unless there’s an absolute need such as warning another person from being harmed. This is not to be used as an excuse to dog the person all in the name of “saving another person from harm.” Be honest and sincere in making the decision to speak about the person and their actions, not vengeful.
*Lastly, reflect on perspective. Sometimes situations occur that people feel they were done wrong and that may not be the case. We are wronged sometimes blatantly yes, but other times it could be YOUR prospective of the situation that made you feel like you were wronged. You could’ve taken things out of context, had a hard day, healing from other problems, stressed, not in good Emaan or health etc. Really take a look at a later time (when things calm down) if it was a blatant harm or your perspective and was that perspective what was intended by the other individual. In this way, it may save you feeling ill toward someone who didn’t even deserve it in the first place.
I leave you with a benefit from the Hadeeth below about a man who was of the people of Jannah (paradise). From the lessons learned about this Hadeeth is that this man led a simple life. And when it was looked into WHY this man was referred to as from the people of Jannah, it was because he went to sleep each night with his chest free of animosity , hate , malice etc in his heart toward anyone. He went to sleep with a clear heart not feeling a grudge toward anyone Alhamdulillaah الحمد لله .
We also learn that having grudges in our chest blocks blessings and positivity so we must strive to free ourselves from this as much as possible with the help of Allaah الله . It’s not something that happens overnight but at least we should be more aware of this matter and work toward being better.
Anas ibn Malik reported: We were sitting with the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, and he said, “Coming upon you now is a man from the people of Paradise.” A man from the Ansar came whose beard was disheveled by the water of ablution and he was carrying both of his shoes with his left hand. The next day the Prophet repeated the same words, and the man came in the same condition. The third day the Prophet repeated the same again, and the man came in the same condition. When the Prophet stood up to leave, Abdullah ibn Amr followed the man and he said, “I am in a dispute with my father and I have sworn not to enter my home for three days. May I stay with you?” The man said yes.
Abdullah stayed three nights with the man but he never saw him praying at night. Whenever he went to bed, he would remember Allah and rest until he woke up for morning prayer. Abdullah said that he never heard anything but good words from his mouth. When three nights had passed and he did not see anything special about his actions, Abdullah asked him, “O servant of Allah, I have not been in dispute with my father nor have I cut relations with him. I heard the Prophet say three times that a man from the people of Paradise was coming to us and then you came. I thought I should stay with you to see what you are doing that I should follow, but I did not see you do anything special. Why did the Prophet speak highly of you?” The man said, “I am as you have seen.” When Abdullah was about to leave, the man said, “I am as you have seen, except that I do not find dishonesty in my soul towards the Muslims and I do not envy anyone because of the good that Allah has given them.” Abdullah said, “This is what you have achieved and it is something we have not accomplished.”
Source: Musnad Aḥmad 12286
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