You asked for him in prayer. You thought about him. Dreamed about him. Then Allaah finally gave him to you!
The man of your dreams all you ever wanted and needed in a man. So now that you finally nabbed him and married him, you began to get comfortable.
Remember how much you would do to make sure every time he laid eyes on you EVERYTHING was flawless? Then all of sudden you get married, get to know each other, and have a few children. So after awhile, your not so concerned with those same things you used to do to to ensure he was pleased with everything about you.
It’s definitely not intentional. The responsibilities we end up having after marriage and children (just to name a few) really take an effect on us. Sometimes finding that opening of time to simply shave your legs , or do your hair, or choose that cute outfit just simply doesn’t happen! At times we are so drained from a days work, we honestly don’t even FEEL like looking good. Then the words pedicure, manicure, and facials are all like speaking Chinese because it’s been so long since you’ve gotten one, you don’t even know what it means! Hahaa.
But what’s the big deal anyway? You have him already and are married right? … He loves you for you right? … Your relationship is so close and “real” , he doesn’t mind you looking the same day in and day out right? ….. WRONG!
There were ways about you, looks that you had, a figure that you had, and a politeness about you that made that man head over heels about you. Of course realistically this was before he seen you during times that are not so appealing. Like just waking up , or just finished delivering his child, or even one of those really rough “I don’t feel like being bothered ” menses days! So of course back then, his views about you were untainted since he hadn’t lived with you yet to see those other sides to you.
Likewise we want to accept and recognize that men do some really unattractive things as well. This in turn adds onto our “comfort of letting go” mentality. But with all of the above being taken into consideration , this still isn’t enough reason for a woman to just let herself go and be OK with it.
All throughout a woman’s life we will go through different stages of life. Adulthood, being a wife, motherhood, friendships coming and going, being a family and community figure, deaths , emotional roller coasters, menopause and much more. However, once these things have happened, pick yourself up and get back on track with taking care of yourself both inside and out. Its normal to fall off a little in times of hardship. Once the dust has settled, get back up and do it better the next time around!
Never give up on yourself and think that those around you should just accept how you’ve become if its not in a positive way. We should strive every day on ways to make us better. A better Muslimah, a better wife, mother , daughter, sister , friend, a better everything! Because these are things we strive to be better at until death. We should never feel like “we’ve arrived” at a particular goal and then stop going forward. Our goals should be never ending. Completing one goal and going forward to the next. Being so immersed with our own self and family’s betterment that we don’t have time to worry about what anyone else is or is NOT doing.
We want to analyze the main excuse that woman use on why they don’t take care of themselves. “I’m so busy taking care /helping everyone else, i don’t have time to take care of me.” Well let us address this. How will you be able to continue to help your family and others if you do not keep yourself spiritually, emotionally , and physically stable? After some time our bodies break down and we tire out from the excessive running and lack of replenishment .
I say that a lot of women use this as an excuse because many women are really not concerned with taking care of themselves , rather its so much easier to help someone else then to help your own self! Hence the saying “take your own medicine.” How can you give what you don’t have? How can you help others and your not helping yourself with very detrimental issues in your own life? Don’t get so caught up that the main person you have to answer for in the sight of Allaah on the day of judgement (which is you) you forget all about. Although yes we do earn good deeds for doing good toward others, that still isn’t enough that we should forget about ourselves.
We need to understand and accept that if we as women do better by our personal upkeep both inward and outward, that we become better and stronger in every other aspect of our lives . This allows us to do even more, be more productive, more kind and positive etc. However the more we run off of no fuel and don’t take care of us, we crash and become weaker and more stressed. This makes for a very irritable, uptight, rude, unstable individual. Then in turn a person can also lose interest in things they once loved to do. And Allaah’s aid is sought .
In conclusion, let us be more mindful of our own affairs and stop worrying about what everyone else is or is NOT doing. Let us get it together and learn those things that help us be more happier, productive, and positive. We need to act upon being good to ourselves inwardly and outwardly for US … not just for a man! Whether your a married woman or not taking care of yourself is something we are supposed to do. Your not doing your husband a favor because your striving to feel good and look good. This is what we are SUPPOSED to do regardless! So being concerned with how your husband feels about your well being and looks of course is very crucial however, apart of being a woman is that your man shouldn’t have to tell you how to be a woman. He shouldn’t have to hint that he doesn’t mind you looking busted or that he’s OK with your instability to make you feel better about yourself. Because if you didn’t know, that is only a man’s way of consoling his woman for all the deficiencies she’s displaying so as not to aid in her getting worse. A good man will not insult his woman or try to hurt her feelings so what does he do? Tells her everything is OK so she wont feel worse about herself.
Your religious. Your husband is pleased every time he’s with you and lays eyes on you. You have sweet speech. Your house is kept. Healthy food is always cooked for your family. You always have a genuine smile on your face. Your kind and generous to others. Your children are kept, has good manners and smart. You exercise. You eat right. You seek knowledge. You have righteous companions. You smell good and look good.
A woman handles her business in every aspect of her life! She’s constantly on her A-game. Sure no one is perfect and we slip and fall off at times. But we get up and start again and are happy about it! Don’t don’t just do it for him…. Do it for YOU! … Are you handling your business???
May Allaah make us women he is pleased with Aameen.
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