”Umar (Radia-allahu anhu) asked about a man who had given testimony, wanting to find out whether anyone could vouch for him. A man said to him: “I will vouch for him, O’ Ameer al-Mu ‘mineen, ‘Umar asked, “Are you his neighbor?” He said, “No.” He than” asked, “Did you mix with him for a day and come to know his character?” He said, “No.” He asked next: “Did you travel with him For traveling and being away from home reveal a man’s true essence?” He said, “No.” ‘Umar said, “Perhaps you saw him in the-mosque, standing, sitting and praying?” He said, “Yes.” ‘Umar said, Go away, for you do not know him.”
We often make referrals about people we know thinking because we see them at their best most times, they are “a good person.” But do we REALLY know that person? The above hadeeth gives us the ways in which we can really learn about an individual. And this is another example of just how beautiful and complete this religion really is. Being able to refer back to authentic texts to teach us about everyday affairs.
In our communities we run into this issue very often especially as it relates to marriage. Often times we will hear about an individual that is seeking marriage and it’s mentioned about how “good of a person he/she is.” But what circumstances do we know that individual under that would qualify us to speak good or bad about them? Well the answer is in the above hadeeth.
From the above mentioned hadeeth we learn that someone being a neighbor , or living together, doing business with or traveling together are amongst the ways we can REALLY know a person.
Think about it , if you’ve lived with an individual, done business with, or traveled with someone, you see sides from them you don’t normally see from them. Seeing soemone in their BEST presentation all the time isnt a realistic view of that person. How are we when we are angry, irritated, upset, hungry, hygenically etc? Those ways about us are revealed when we interact via living, traveling or doing business.
How often is the saying “Don’t do business with friends?” Reason being is in business you see a side of your friend you never expected to be there in the first place. And had you not handled some form of business with them how would you ever had seen how they REALLY are when money is involved?
How about when you live with a person and find out their living habits with regards to cleanliness, character and speech. How they are when they aren’t in the public eye. Or to travel with someone under such aggitating circumstances from the hardships of travel. You see how they carry themselves when these difficulties come about such as hunger or delay of transport etc.
These sides of an individual show the real us. And if we haven’t experienced one or more of these interactions , then in truth we don’t really KNOW the person. So we must watch when we me speak about an individual and place our name on the line for someone, that we are firm of whom they really are. Especially for marriage!
How many times have we seen a man or woman all the time at the mosque, studying, wearing their best attire and called them “the good brother/sister” only to find out they were vicious to their family behind closed doors?!
So let us get to know one another in truth by one of these ways and until then be careful to make a disclaimer of how limited your knowledge really is about that person’s true character and religiosity.
P.S…… Only having a reference of a persons facebook or twitter posts doesnt count as knowing a person either!!!
May Allaah aid us all Aameen.
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