“You never do anything for me.” “Thats what your SUPPOSED to do… so what!” “Do it yourself.” “You make me sick.” “Thats ALL you got me”…. (rolling eyes) “Mine” “I”
Listed above are actual statements from some wives toward their husband. If any of these sound familiar or are commonly used, then it definitely needs to be addressed ASAP.
One of the MANY gifts that Allaah has given women is the power of speech. This gift is so powerful it can be as effective as magic. Our words can MAKE or BREAK someone quick! That being said we MUST choose our words carefully.
Many women complain about things they don’t like about their men when really sometimes that woman has broke her man down so bad verbally, he isn’t motivated to better himself.
We can look at every woman that the prophet was married to and the ALL had his back no matter what! Sure they became upset with him and expressed anger sometimes. This is a realistic component of marriage. Disagreements and anger. However, that’s not the real issue. The real issue is WHEN we get upset (because we are going to angry with our men sometimes and rightly so most of the time hahaha wink wink) How we handle that anger and what we say will be an everlasting effect on our marriage that we cannot take back.
Sometimes things spit out from our mouth that once said, the husband may never forget or forgive. And due to men not communicating as often and as easily as we do, we may never know that hiding deep down, that man has grew some dislike toward you.
First we want to realize that ANYTHING your husband gets you whether you like the item or not, you’d better act like you love it! This is very important. How you react when your husband brings you home something will determine if he will ever buy you anything again on his own. I don’t care if it wasn’t anything except your man bringing home a loaf of bread… you’d better act as if its the best bread you ever had.
Now this may seem trivial, however it is actually crucial. If a man feels that anything he does for you is rejected he will feel as if he failed. And if you didn’t know, men want to please their wives. Its apart of the male makeup. They love to make us happy… If we let them!
The problem is , many women are so ungrateful upon receiving kindness from their men that the men eventually give up being nice. Every man has their own unique way of showing affection. So when he does whether you particularly favor it or not, show him how happy you are that he even thought of you!
He doesn’t HAVE to do certain things. Don’t feel like your doing HIM a favor! What you dont appreciate another woman surely will. You know how many women would love to have that man and treat him right?!! And there you are barking him out because he may have done or bought something you were displeased with?
Be more lighthearted and when he seeks forgiveness forgive and let go… play more with him.. laugh more with him… flirt… stop being so uptight!
As for using words like mine and I, then these are also dangerous words. Everything is a unit once married. Try replacing those words with “OUR” and “WE” and “TOGETHER” .
As women let us use our gift of speech to uplift our men . Kindness meets kindness. If your good to him surely he will be good to you. We have to watch our words. They hurt! Men are human too . Just because they don’t express verbally as much as we do that doesn’t mean you haven’t offended him and even scared him for life. Men also have self esteem believe it or not. We have the ability to aid that man in being a better HIM. But many use that ability for belittlement. Criticizing your mans every move. Correcting and watching for flaws. Instead of worrying about how many flaws you have!
On the flip side, you have these women that are with these loser men for lack of better words. Men whom have no value to that womans life yet she has him “BOOED” up like he’s a king and hasn’t aided her in anything except her demise. She speaks gently to him and does whatever he requests. However he doesn’t fear allah and doesn’t care for that woman. This is due to some women only respecting a man that will treat her badly. Then the good brother comes along and she treats him terrible!
We need to get it together as women and treat the men whom have TaQwa correct! They are a favor and a blessing from Allaah. Surely we need to offer sujood in gratitude for our good men they are out here striving . Think before speaking you may say a word that you can never take back. Its not worth one moments anger to emotionally tear your man down.
Some women don’t feel good about themselves and so they verbally attack due to their own low self esteem. In this case, seek help from Allaah and counseling its ok to get help. And in turn inform your husband to offer dua for you and be patient.
Lets strive for loving and supporting our men like Khadijah and Aaesha and all the other wives did toward the prophet sallaallaahu alayhee wassallaam.
And Allaahs aid is sought… May he guide and aid us all in becoming better aameen.
Comments